I'm nuts, I'm crazy, yet you're still here.

I know how this may seem, in one word, unpleasant.

For a first post, I should probably be optimistic and all that, but alas, that shall not happen any time soon. Optimism is just not my strong side, never was, never will be.

I've written many lines in other blogs, and written many things that no one shall get to see, me included, but as I always like to say, screw that.

I know that there's so much to do in life, yet all I do is sit on my lazy ass (and you'll have to excuse me for my horrible French expressions) and do nothing productive.

I guess one factor in that equation is the failure percent. I fail, alot. I'm discouraged and un-motivated. I dislike hard work, I dislike lack of results. I dislike failure.

I'm no perfectionist, I'd rather hand in a half-assed essay and not work any extra time on it. The same goes for tests, class work and the such. Damn, I'm lazy.


And now, to the more poetic part of this unsuccessful post.



Blissful oblivion, is that death?
I wouldn't know, I won't, shall not, can't care, I want it.
To just be gone in a puff of smoke, and behold the lack of my presence.
I wonder if anyone will ever notice, I wonder if I have ever left a mark, an impression of such value, good or bad, on someones mind. I wonder if anyone knows I still exist.
I do believe they forgot me, as I forgot them. I'm there, and then I'm not. Just like that, and no memory of me is left on the minds I try so unsuccessfully to touch, to impression and understand.

Human nature is quite the mystery, forgetful, sinful, yet so full of life, so willing to tone for their sins that they instantly forget that the correction of one sin leads to tens, hundreds of others.
How truly, remarkable idiotic, yet it makes one wonder, if one is human, can he not be a better human, a better person?

To help the poor, to help the needy and distressed, yet is it not true, that first comes the one and only self?
Selflessness is yet another excuse to feel better about oneself, yet, if one has helped another for whatever reason, does such a thing matter?

Strange, this world of mirrors. World of sin and atonement, believe or not, we are all sinners. With or without god, a sin is a sin, and a crime is a crime, and only the selfless die young, for when one forgets about thee self, one forgets he can't help them when he's no longer with them.


Hm... I'm not sure how to call this, I don't know what this means exactly.

I'd just like to mention I'm in now way a 'believer'. I'm actually quite the atheist.